Fade Away
by MissMarquin
Summary: Felix didn't think it would take his old friend, laying in his lap and dying, for him to come terms with what they were. Sylvix, Oneshot.


_A/N: I'm so sorry. _

* * *

Felix is panicking.

He hates it, this unfamiliar feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach. It sits there heavily. Thick and oily. He can taste the bile rising up in the back of his throat as he barely contains a pitiful sob. This isn't him, this pathetic and sniveling mess. He should be angry, he wants to yell, he wants to just __kill __something-

"Hey," says a quiet voice from his lap, "That look on your face... I don't like it."

Felix spares a glance down and immediately regrets it. Sylvain's face is pale in his lap, __so __pale, and Felix swallows thickly. He wants to be anywhere __but __there, because he isn't sure that he can-

"Idiot," he whispers harshly.

A chuckle bubbles up from Sylvain, immediately followed by blood. He makes a wet sound, a cross between a cough and a choke, and Felix can't help the grimace that fell across his face.

He isn't sure that he can look at his friend like this. No, __no __, not his __friend __, his heart lurches. As if it isn't obvious that Sylvain is so much fucking more than that. It's taken __years __for Felix to let those walls crumble even a tiny bit, but __this __is what it's taken for him to truly admit it to himself.

It takes Sylvain laying in his lap, __dying __.

"Seriously," Sylvain says, his voice even softer. "I don't want to see you look at me like that."

"Stop talking!" Felix snaps aggressively.

"Then stop looking at me like this is the end of it." Felix swallows as he watches Sylvain struggle for a breath. He's not stupid enough to pull the blade from his ribcage, but he can tell it's hit a lung. The wet squelching sounds thick in his ears, along with the wet rattling of a thin breath and-

"Marianne can't be far off," Sylvain reasons.

But she is, they both know that she is. Enbarr is before them, and she'll be with the front lines, alongside Claude and Byleth. That was the __plan __at least, and he has faith that at least __someone __followed it.

He can't help the pointed glare he shoots toward his lap, and Sylvain winces at it.

"Hey now, don't-"

"You __promised __," Felix interrupted in a harsh whisper.

He never mentions that moment between them, the one they had as children. It's always this red-headed dolt in his lap that does instead, while Felix rolls his eyes before stomping off. He doesn't need to be reminded of that loyalty, he __lives __by it. __Everything __he does is for this idiot here.

He didn't think Sylvain stupid enough to not notice.

And to his surprise, Sylvain __crumbles __. Suddenly he's trying to move, trying to shift around in his lap, and Felix has to grip him firmly, trying to hold him still. " __Stop __," he hisses. "You'll make it worse."

"I'm fine," Sylvain chuckles, but the twist of his lips is more like a grimace, and there's a thick sheen of sweat across his brow. "I'm-"

"Don't fucking pretend," Felix says sharply. "At least give me that," he finishes weakly.

Sylvain sighs, and Felix lifts his hand, his fingers hesitating over his brow. Finally, he drops them, brushing through the sticky strands of red, mud-stained bangs. He's feverish, he's __boiling __hot, it's __way worse than he thought __.

"Don't look at me like that," Sylvain asks once more, his face taking on a somber look. "I prefer the other one so much better. How you look at me when you think no one is watching."

Felix's stomach is in knots- this is __unlike __his friend. "You're delirious."

A gentle smile spreads across Sylvain's face. "Yeah," he agrees. There's a pause. "I've made a lot of mistakes, Felix, but you were never one of them."

"Sylvain- __No __-" Sylvain is talking like it's the end, for the first time in forever, Felix is __afraid __. "You idiot- You said it, Marianne is right around the corner."

The chuckle that bubbles up this time is dark though. "You're also my biggest regret, you know. I know, I've __always __known and I-"

Felix wipes at his lips, rubbing away blood with his cuff. "Shut up." Felix wants to slap him. He doesn't want to hear those words here, right now. "Don't say it- wait until you're better. Until this is __over __, and you're standing on your own two feet, demanding a spar even though you can barely walk."

Despite the attempt at humor, the other man's eyes are glassy. "You should know better than anyone, Felix. I never keep my promises."

Felix gives in finally, and a sob rips from his throat. Sylvain is fading, they both know it, and he leans closer, trying to hug him closer. The moment he leaves, Felix will have __nothing __, that's __why __they'd made that promise all those years ago.

" __Stupid __. Idiot, __fucking idiot __," Felix cries. "You can't, __you can't. __I love you, you fool. You __cannot __-"

"I don't think I have a choice," Sylvain manages, but Felix can see how his eyes droop slightly, how his breathing slows a fraction. He had a choice, Felix thinks though, he had one and he had made it.

He had taken a blade to the side side to save his life.

"You made your bed, you dolt. How stupid of you, as always."

"Hey Felix, could you at least send me away with a kiss?"

Felix laughs, he __laughs __at the absurdity of the request. But he complies. He dips slightly, leaning over the other man. Sylvain is covered in blood and sweat, and the grime of war, but he's gorgeous. Felix brushes back his bangs, his fingers lingering, before swiping down his face.

This isn't fair, Felix thinks. Neither said anything, neither made a move and now here they were. It isn't fair, life isn't fair but-

War is war.

"Don't leave me hanging here," Sylvain says, but Felix barely hears the words.

He bends over him, brushing their lips together briefly. Sylvain sighs into the kiss and presses back lightly, lifting a weak hand to brush alongside Felix's face. He leans in to the touch, pulling away slightly, closing his eyes and enjoying it. Sylvain has no strength though, despite trying to respond in earnest.

Felix will take it though, he will take whatever he can get.

And then the hand drops, and Sylvain's breath stills. His body goes limp, and Felix screams. He shakes the man, but there's no response, and he screams again.

He screams until he has no voice left.


End file.
